Below is a journal entry I recorded a little over a year ago.
JournalSaturday, January 17, 2010
Leigh is here visiting with his boys. Today , after Sam’s basket ball game, we went to the gym to work out. Felt great. Different than any other time I have worked out with Leigh. Well, that would be because I have never worked out with him before. How ridiculous is it that my own brother is a personal trainer and I have never sought him out for help. That’s right, aside from an occasional game of tennis, I haven’t worked out regularly in 16 years!!
At the gym, we had a wonderful time getting my muscles moving. I loved hearing him speak his passionate words of instruction. I loved that he was helping me use these old muscles of mine. It was not hard to see why people pay him the big bucks to work out with him 1-2 times a week. He was so compassionate and encouraging. I heard my brother with different ears.
I have been listening a lot more lately. You can’t help but hear better when you stop talking. I have talked a lot less these last few months and I am amazed at what I am hearing!! Mostly I am hearing my own inner voice. I want so much to be heard, to be paid attention to by me. To be valued enough by myself to be taken care of physically.
However, while I have been quieting down, I have apparently felt the need to fill my mouth with food to keep from speaking. My weight is at an all time high of 214. Oh, my goodness, how did I let this happen!!??
So begins the path to physical fitness. OK, not begin, but enter into a new awareness of my physical fitness. I am going to work on being physically fit. Fitness in mind, body and soul.
Leigh asked me about what I meant by healthy in your soul. Healthy in mind makes sense, healthy in body makes sense. But what does 'health in soul' mean? I believe it means being grateful. If I am grateful for all my many blessings, I am working on a healthy soul. Your soul is where your spirit resides. I believe my spirit, my soul is the barometer with which I approach life. My mind navigates my way through and my body is my vessel through which I travel.
My vessel is getting a little too big, too much junk in the trunk and the glove box!! Too much luggage is piled up on top. I am not traveling very smoothly. And yet I am moving pretty rapidly...2 years and 5 months til I hit the big 5-0! Akkkkkkkkk, how did that get so close???
But it feels really, really good to be immersed in an over haul.
It is all getting better.
Change is good.
Life is better.
I am excited that I am keeping up with my physical fitness. There has been an ebb and flow to my motivation on this path. The awareness I have that my body, mind and soul are all connected and equally important for over all wellness, remains ever present in my continence. Where am I on this journey? I am staying more fit, I am still trying to talk less (writing here helps) and my soul is pushing some exciting/scary things to the surface.
I began a journey a year ago, and today it feels wonderful to be at this mile marker. I have lightened my load and the pace doesn't frighten me any more. The road stretches out in front of me and it is a beautiful day to travel
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