The road to this decision, the decision to join this sales team, has been an interesting one. Many highs and a few lows. Throughout my processing I have had an underlying feeling of disconnectedness. Selling women’s clothes just seemed a bit superficial, lacking some depth, meaning and purpose I am searching for in my life. If I am going to commit to a career, I want the career to represent who I am. I want to be proud of what I do, the company I work for, the people I work beside.
Susan, my recruiter and future team leader, registered us to attend a sales meeting in Greensboro on Tuesday of this week. I took Tuesday off from teaching and Monday night I prepared myself for this trip. I spent sometime thinking it through, writing down doubts and questions, concerns and goals. I spent some time in prayer. So many pieces about this job fit seamlessly into my life, many attributes about this career move felt so very right for me, and yet it was missing something. Do I really want to do this? As I drifted off to sleep Monday night, I prayed my little pryer: “Dear God, please be with me tomorrow. Please make me open to Your will in my life. Please don’t make this complicated, help me in a way that I can’t mistake the direction I am to go. I mean, make it really easy, really easy to distinguish the path I am to take. Remember God, I can be kind-of slow so make it very obvious for me. I love you. Thank you so, so, so much, God. Amen.”
In the meeting on Tuesday I was feeling great, it was a wonderful presentation. "This is what we sell", (beautiful clothes!!) "these are selling techniques"; they explained the financial portion in detail, it was all looking really great. I was waiting for the moment of clarity to hit me. I kept waiting and waiting and waiting. I just wasn’t feeling it.
As we headed toward the end of the program, my butt was asleep by this point, the presenter played a video about how this company gives back to the community and the world. The visuals flashed up on the screen, the melodic music was the perfect sound track for what i was taking in. This company does some amazing things, so many opportunities this company has taken to change the lives of so many less fortune people. Oh My Word!! I didn’t expect to be so overwhelmed. I began to weep, tears just welling up in my eyes. The giving spirit of this company was something I could connect with. This was the “it” factor for me.
At the close of the program a woman came up to introduce herself. I was not transparent in this room of women. As I began to answer her inquiry, I became speechless. I realized if I spoke one more word, I would begin bawling like a baby. I was overwhelmed with emotions. I was looking for exits to run to because I didn’t think I could get myself together. I began thinking; these women are going to think I am crazy if I start wailing. What is wrong with me! I was so emotional because I was terrified I was going to have to do it now, I was falling in love with the company, I was going to be apart of something that was making a difference in the world, and I was going to succeed.
As I left the meeting, walking to the car, I felt I was walking a bit talker. I felt an amazing peace and confidence I hadn’t experienced in years. I felt this way when I shared with my husband later that evening I was taking the position. I felt this way when I woke the next morning. I haven’t yet lost this feeling. I hope I never do.
Blessings of this beautiful Lenten season!