After a long stretch of mulling it over, weighing it out, talking about it to all my precious peeps, I decided to make the investment and send in my application into CAbi. The application was submitted on line, it took me a while to get through all the questions, inquiries, and necessary info for them to ...decide if THEY WANT ME. What? I was not prepared for what hit me when I pressed the 'send' button on my computer. What if they don't want me? What if that one question I answered only made sense in my head, what if they think I am really not very bright...oh, the whirlwind of doubt was kicking up into a hurricane! Just breathe. Just trust. What ever is going to happen is going to happen. I can move forward in what ever that is. Why am I already moving forward? Stay in this moment of hope. Sit and stay, oooh, that is so hard. I want to immediately begin to prepare my heart for this tremendous dissapointment that is enevitable. Why can't I stay in the now, the place of " I hope I get this career opportunity." Period. Stay. Breathe. Like the crazy, desperate, insecure person I can sometimes embody, I pick up the phone and called my team leader for reassurance. Like a drowning person needs air, I needed her to give me some words of encouragement. And being the amazing team leader she is, she spoke the words I needed to hear, "Of course they are going to want you!!". I kept my panic to a minimum and waited out the week.
Seven days later, which was yesterday, I recieved the "Welcome to CAbi" email. OMG!! They want me. They think I am smart enough. They believe I can do this. "Yay me!!" I am elated, walking on air. I am ready to go to work.
To celebrate my journey into sales, fashion and all things surpressed while raising my children, I painted my fingernails for the first time in 12 years. Been too busy, or actually, never really saw the value in spending my time doing something to enhance my looks when there was/is laundry piling up. But yesterday, after substitute teaching 7th grade world history, I went to Sally's Beauty Supply. I bought some good polish in a wonderful shade of pink (CAbi pink). I came home and painted all ten nails. I relaxed and just sat still for 30 minutes. (This is something I NEVER do!)What a luxury. My youngest daughter was looking at me like, "Who are you and what did you do with my mom?".
"My name is Patty Dutcher, nice to meet you, would you be a doll and fold that laundry. I am waiting for my nails to dry."